I’ve been reading and mulling over gratefulness. I love gratitude, the feeling of thankfulness. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love feeling abundant, like a cornucopia. I remember Cris Williamson singing(from The Changer and the Changed) “filling up and spilling over, it’s an endless waterfall. Filling up and spilling over, over all…” So with gratitude being one of my pet things, the adoptee rejection of being grateful grated on me when I was introduced to it. Basically I didn’t know anything about it, consciously at least. I remember Joy telling me someone told her she should even be grateful to me for giving birth to her. When she told me that, I just kind of duh… huh? She asked me if I thought she should be grateful to me. WTF? No. I told her I wanted her to be grateful to be alive. I think being alive is cool. I am grateful to my creator. I am grateful to be alive Life is sweet.
So, no, being grateful to the people who birthed you or the people who raised you or any other people in the world is worldly stuff. And if it makes you feel great, then great. What really connects for me is just being grateFULL for what is, what is LIFE.
But a funny thing crawled back up through my memory recently. One of the first things I did after Joy called me the first time, at the outset of our reunion, was write a thank you note to her aparents. I didn’t know much more about them than their name and address and that THEY were the ones that got to take her home and change her diapers and watch her grow. But I was so grateful that she was alive, that she had survived, that she had called me, I felt compelled to express myself in a thank you note.
I still kind of wish we could be friends, her aparents and me, these people that got to know her knobby knees and missing teeth.