Spirals go two ways. Sometimes it seems I’m repeating and repeating, doing things over again and again. It may be learning the same thing — again. The learnings go deeper. Sometimes maybe it’s just a test, to see if I’ve learned my lesson. Testing, strengthening, deepening. I was touched by Joy’s post sharing about her sweetheart’s increased acceptance of me. Her tenderness and softness of heart. I felt like I was swinging in a sweet hammock in the summertime.
Then I was stirred by reading http://motherhooddeleted.blogspot.com/ So many voices. So many opinions. I must find the courage to love who I am, love who we are, no matter what. That’s what I keep learning over and over. That’s the upward spiral. It includes learning to recognize what’s happening when I fall and to catch myself, developing my strength. Sometimes, disturbances arise and seem to grab hold of me so that I become involved and attached to them. It takes strength of purpose, as well as practice, to bring forward greater peace inside and out.
A downward spiral into emotional despair seems to circle around me frequently. It’s not me, who I am. But I seem magnetically drawn to it. It shows me my weaknesses, my fallibility. It keeps me humble. And it teaches me to observe, to listen inwardly and outwardly, to consider and to participate as fully as I can, to learn and to grow.
I’m grateful for the many bloggers that inspire me.