is getting easier and more frequent. Blogging has been invaluable in helping me sort through my thoughts and feelings about it, which enables me to express myself more freely.
This shook me. A couple days ago I witnessed a woman asking my teacher for advice on how to fill the void of her missing children. She hasn’t seen her children for five years! They are now 10 and 13. She was beginning to consider adopting so she would have a child to love. Though my inner voice was yelling at her, I stayed calm outwardly. I watched and listened. I listened to her story while I yelled at her inside myself. I listened to my teacher asking her questions. I listened while he gently guided her to look at the fact that she was abandoning her living children. Never a harsh word spoken, but the message so clear. You have alternatives you haven’t yet explored. There are ways for you to reach out to your children, now. Get help to connect with your children. She tried several times to redirect or to reinterpret the message that she could somehow get new children. Maybe she could become pregnant. Maybe there was a child “waiting for her”. Now I was inwardly gagging as well as yelling, and getting my shoulders all bunched up. Still, gently, he was guiding her to see the children she believed were taken from her by her threatening ex husband are HER children. She can gather up a posse and go see them. All my rage and righteous indignation receded slowly. This is the quality of loving that I am privy to, an unwavering goodness in attendance to what is.
Yesterday, chatting at a reception a new friend said that while it’s all well and good that gay marriage is now legal in CA, they should be allowed to adopt as freely as hetero couples do too. Well, my practice of telling anyone who brings it up, that I am boycotting the movie Juno, has strengthened my resolve. I took that opportunity to tell her that my p.o.v. about adoption reform is strictly in the area of family preservation, that couples that can’t have children of their own have driven the adoption industry and commodified babies, using the example of Madonna flouting Malawian law. I could hardly believe I was standing in a lovely garden after a beautiful “celebration of life” of a dear friend’s husband, and saying absolutely shocking things as though I was perfectly reasonable. And I was perfectly reasonable. It wasn’t as smooth as I’d like it to be. I need more practice before the words just roll out. But I was calm and coherent and happy for anyone to overhear me.
I’m just getting started.