Loving this day

I cannot change the past.  I can’t even change what happened ten minutes ago.  I can’t change what my parents or the social worker or the pastor or the counselor did.  I can’t change what I did.  I can’t change what happened.   I can’t change things in the past so that Joy and/or I can experience being loved the way we wanted, or so that I could have expressed the loving that I wish that I had expressed.

To truly live now I must forsake my desires for love and recognition.   What can I do with feelings of being abandoned/rejected?   I would be pleased to be free of my complaints —  Even more pleased to transform them into something I can use.

The past is brought up to me frequently.  It is a reference point I can examine for information, without judgment or blame.

I want to keep my energy in the present, to live this moment, now and let the dead bury the dead.  I want to live.

So I called my grandson — on his own phone.  I’ve talked to him on JOY’s phone before, incidentally, because sometimes he answered the phone when I called.  The only previous on purpose call was to wish a Happy Birthday  on the message machine.  Today I just called his cell phone and he answered.  He sounded surprised (no doubt).  It had never happened before.  He is a young adult —  with yet another senior citizen asking him questions now.

Whoo hoo


One response to “Loving this day

  1. I am glad you spoke with your grandson. That is the comfort amidst all the confusion.


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