a selfish note

This election season is really getting me worked up.  The gossip about Bristol Palin and her fiance ‘deciding’ to get married, as if they had a choice, ruffles my feathers.  Part of me thinks it’s absurd that an 18 year old boy is being forced into the national spotlight as the son in law to be of VP candidate.  Who knows how it will turn out?  Maybe they’ll have wedded bliss the rest of their lives.

When I was a pregnant teen my boyfriend’s mother suggested we marry just until the baby is born.  Then she wanted us to get it annulled.  She thought I was quite the Jezebel but that the ‘baby should have a nameI was insulted and angry at her suggestion.    I felt  her suggestion mocked me, making legitimacy more important than motherhood, my baby’s reputation more worthy than her relationship.  [ my baby’ innocence and greater worthiness was another vote for adoption.  Should she be shamed by a mother that was deserted by her father?]

I wanted tangible support.

I didn’t want to marry him temporarily.  I wanted him to want to marry me.  At that point I would have married him if he wanted it.  But my pride stood in the way of marrying just for the name. [Not that he was going for marriage under any circumstances anyway] I didn’t want his name. I wanted his support.

Looking at Levi, Hockey boy/dad to be stirs me up now.  There’s still some anger there that says, yeah he should marry her.  That’s his baby too.  That baby will always know who his father is/was whether the marriage works out or not.

Divorce sucks.  But it’s better than abandonment.

ETA: What I mean to say is that even if divorce seems likely it’s minor compared to abandonment.  Divorce seems a risk regardless of age.  I would have risked it.  I would have greatly preferred it.

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2 responses to “a selfish note

  1. As someone who has experienced both, divorce doesn’t even compare at all to abandonment.

    It revolts me to see them in the same sentence, that is comparable to ‘my cat running away is not as bad as my child running away.’

    Yeah, no shit.

    For one thing, you don’t know that Levi doesn’t love her, I happen to know very closely a relationship that involves a teenage boy loving his pregnant teenage wife VERY MUCH, a love that has lasted a lifetime.

    How can you even begin to equate divorce with abandonment?

    Ugh.

    The one good thing about being abandoned is that it makes life’s other challenges, minimal.

  2. “How can you even begin to equate divorce with abandonment?”
    I guess by accident. Comparisons suck.

    Divorce wasn’t an issue to my teen self. I resisted the idea of marrying someone that didn’t want to marry me.

    Questions brought up in other sites about how independently Bristol and Levi came to their decisions led my ‘adult’ self to the wonder how long their marriage might last…

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