I’ve heard that Marriage, in order to be successful, requires 100 percent commitment to loving. I know I don’t fulfill that. But it keeps me in the game. I keep it as a reference, a possibility. If I could do that 100% that would be awesome.
We sometimes exhibit less-than-loving behavior.
Rachel and Lori over at DNA Diaries have been examining what makes reunion work. Commitment was one of the touchstones. That one touched me. I thought of Joy’s ambivalence towards our relationship. She used to pull away at times, to protect herself, which used to wreak havoc with a fear I had of losing her again. For a long time I thought life would be better if she and I could settle into a safe and sane relationship. It was some kind of dream/goal where we would be relaxed and comfortable and accepting and interact like happy familiars. Someday. In the Future. But the Past is always Present in our relationship.
I tried to make it up to her by beating myself up for never being good enough, loving enough, devoted enough. Then this reference to “being in it for the long haul” or committing to the relationship took hold in my thinking. I may not have done it right, but I definitely demonstrated commitment to continuing.
I’d seen Joy’s ambivalence as “my challenge”. But it’s really just a reflection of my ambivalence to myself.
When I see myself getting defensive or hurt about something Joy does or says, I can choose to focus on something else. She is not the decider of my happiness. I am. My happiness requires commitment and inner discipline, to be here for myself. I am committing to find out if I can really be loving in this relationship, no matter what.
It depends on my willingness to participate in my own life, to really go for 100 percent loving.
I know there is no static perfection, but I’m still going for it. I expect continually changing excellence through committing and dedicating my loyalty to loving. It means looking at things I’ve done that hurt me and others, and loving me and others anyway. And it means taking care of, loving, myself.
Nothing is more worthwhile than loving. Not shame or vanity or hurt feelings. Nothing.
When you are in contraction, you can begin to move into a state of expansion by coming back to the question, “Where does love lead me right now?” Love always leads you into living from the inside out. It allows you to stay within yourself and realize that:
Who you are is enough. Regardless of what anybody else thinks, you can love yourself. You can love your mistakes as much as you love your successes.
As you hold on to these truths, you will start attracting people to you who will support your inner process. Try it and see. Make a commitment that, just for today, you’ll let love lead.
– John-Roger with Paul Kaye
(From: Momentum, Letting Love Lead – Simple Practices for Spiritual Living, p. 22)
When I am exercising my commitment, it cuts out alternatives because my focus and attention is on what I have begun. I have begun to love. I have just begun. It is going to produce change. I don’t always get my first choice in things, unless my first choice is to love.
By making loving most important I get to rest in the arms of the angels. I can whine and complain, or I can go on to the growth, getting on with what works and loving as if there was no tomorrow and have Heaven right here on earth.