Joy asked me some questions repeatedly, questions I didn’t have answers for. When “I don’t know” didn’t get me off the hook I started taking a stab at something else. I can make stuff up, but I don’t like to. I like to take what I have and see how it works, noodle around with it. Exploring.
Why is a question I felt very unqualified to answer. Why didn’t I know better? Why is she the one that has to deal with being an adoptee, being abandoned by her mother, feeling rejected?
I heard that as, why her and not someone else? Why her and not me? I don’t know, because that’s the way it is? Not a satisfactory answer. I felt pressured to come up with an answer that would satisfy her questioning (yearning?), that would make a difference, that would be useful to her. All I came up with was a “logical deduction”, based on my premise that we are all here to learn and grow. If her lot in life is to experience rejection then it’s so she can learn about it. WRONG ANSWER!!!
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP=STOP=BACK UP Where is the reset button?
She was telling me she already knew rejection.
What good is rejection? Anybody got an answer on that one?
Everybody deals with rejection on one level or another. What’s it good for? How can we use it?
I was feeling rejected myself when she asked me. Feeling sorry for myself or defending myself have been familiar responses when I feel rejected. Generally it’s a feeling of powerlessness, because I’m basing my value on someone else’s perception or critique of me.
I don’t need to learn about rejection. I need to learn to trust myself.
I’m not saying my experiences of rejection equals Joy’s. We haven’t had the same experiences. I doubt I have any business trying to answer her questions myself because I don’t have her experience.
But as human beings we’ve got the same operating equipment: bodies, emotions, minds, personalities to deal with each other. Looking at the essence of all our issues they seem to come down to abandonment and control, two sides of the same coin. We try to control ourselves, our environment, other people so that we won’t be abandoned.
Currently, my revised answer is, the purpose of rejection is to teach us to trust our True selves. Trusting, knowing and behaving as my True self is the most valuable experience I know.
And being the darkest place I’ve known is also the safest. When I go to nothing left to lose, when there’s just breathing left, it’s just me. It’s peaceful. That’s acceptance.
I know I’ve got it easy. I’m healthy. I live in the land of milk and honey. Why do I have such a great life? I don’t know.
I am grateful for all that I have.
Rejection teaches me to let go of my ego demands, my entrenched positions of personality, my opinions and points of view, to give up everything. Giving up all that gives me a glimpse of the awareness that I am loved by Spirit and by God. That is where my safety lies.